Lately I have been asked a lot about “my secret”. How come you are so happy Sam, what is it that you do, how can you be so happy when you are a sole parent of 3 running your own business with no family around? HOW?
So I have been thinking about what habits, what thoughts and how I approach life that may set me aside from other people. And this is what I have come up with as my “Mantle to Happiness”. Of course, being a gal, i reserve the right to change this at any point in the future HAHA.
Firstly I should preface that i don't think it is realistic nor achievable to be 100% happy every single minute of every day. But I do think aiming for 8-10/10 is achieveable. I mostly cruise around a 9-10 /10 happiness but I definitely have 5-6 moments too. So this is what I do and maybe some of the things will work for you too.
1. Endogenous happiness is much more reliable than exogenous happiness.
What I mean by this, is that I have learned to look within for the “happy switch” rather than rely on other people or situations to give me that “happy kick”.
It is much more powerful and predictable. This means that no matter where i am in the world, or what I am doing, I have made a decision that in order to be happy, it is up to me. It is about being happy despite the surrounding or people around me – ie not the fact I am at the Lourve, or sitting at home on a Saturday night while all my mates are out playing.
This little happy switch is accessible to all of us.
I also spend ALOT of time getting my internal head coach working for me not against me. I continually say things in my head, like "life is good", "I am so fortunate", " I love my life and people in it" etc... For those who know me, I will often explain this NLP technique as "white volvos". There are a hundred of them on the road but until someone points them out, you don't notice them. And as soon as someone says - have you seen that quirky gadget on white volvos and shows you a photo of one, then you see them EVERYWHERE! Happiness is the same. Look for it and it comes.
I take a lot of photos and this works for me. I recall being taught about an artist at school, I think his name is Christo. And he claimed that art is everywhere but we get desensitised to it. He used to wrap pieces of coast line, or bus shelters, because although we “see it every day” we don’t appreciate its beauty. So I take photos, post them regularly and just that act helps me realise that i am surrounded my such beauty. Interestingly this gives me immense strength and happiness. It may work for your too.
2. Honour oneself
For years I thought honouring oneself meant I was egotistical, conceited etc… Now I have worked through all that baggage and realise that in order to be happy, ones needs to admire, respect and love oneself. I now honour myself and soul many times a day. I remind myself of all the good attributes I have and how much I love people, nature and the planet.
It also means that I will only permit certain things to come now me. Such as good health, good vibes and good food. I exercise regularly and consistently. The benefits are incredible – happy endorphins, getting out and about , great stress de-fuser and a time when I can reflect on life and let thoughts come and go.
I choose to only eat organic where possible because I believe that is the BEST NUTRITION available and that is all I want for my temple. Hormone free meats, being happy when I cook and taking time to cook nutritious meals is so important. I find organic food is ALIVE and it seems to have it’s own energy which I can then translate into another form of energy. I only fully committed last year and I haven’t looked back.
Friends are another area that can make or break you, so I continually ask myself if associates, friends are in alignment with me or not. As I say at my presentations, if you find eating MacDonalds abhorent and something you wouldn’t do, then don’t accumulate McDonalds friends. Their impact on your health is the same. Negative!
3. Clarify, reclarify and reconnect regularly
Once again this is only something I have started to master in the last 12 months and it is making such a difference to my everyday life and outcomes.
I now believe in a new law of physics “For every action, there needs to be an equal reflection”.
This makes the circle complete. So I spend a lot of time visualising, finding out if something is congruent to my mission in life and simply just chilling out at my special spot at the Beach. I believe it’s this reflection that has helped me declutter my brain and work out what makes me function best and deliver the best of myself to LIFE (family, clients, friends and self).
4. Role boundaries
This one has been tough. For the last 6 years I have been a single mum and there is no significant male figure around (no brother , no father, no uncle or best friend) that is around. So any man-jobs are either at a cost (I pay for them to be done) or I do them myself.
It has been interesting. Just now I have had to go to my main electricity box to find the hot water switch as it has flicked off! Something I really would rather a man do, but hey – no man. So I believe it is a fine line. I want to be a woman and a girly-girl but sometimes we need to be flexible in our roles.
I have been advocating for a few years now that women stay women and men stay men. That’s because hormonally I have found that it suits us much more. Because of my lack of “man energy in my life” I have to tread carefully. Maybe you do too. Where possible I frock up, I buy flowers, I try hard to be a WOMAN and not a man. Being a man means that any potential suitors will feel there is no space (or need) for them and it also masculinates me. And I want to find that man one day (or us both find each other) so it is something I (and maybe you) need to be aware of.
The real challenge is on the parenting front. When I have the kids I am mum and dad rolled into one and I am sure that most single parents will tell you this is their biggest challenge.How to be all and both at once. Well, I will write a blog one day when I have it sorted. :-)
5. Growth
I remember hearing once, people die when they stop learning. Now it may not have been that dramatic or literal, but I do find that learning keeps me young. And that is learning ALL sorts of things. Money generation, personal development, new sports, apposing ideals, different cultures. To learn is to live and while I live, I grow and I am happy.
Once again, try it. Try something new, watch something different. Put yourself out there. You may decide it isn’t for you, but until you try you can’t actually make that decision (informed anyway).
So in the last 24 hours this is what I have done that makes me happy.
Went to Seaworld with my son and marvelled at the incredible animals
Prepared and at organic food, fresh fish YUM!
Ran and swam at the Beach. My special seat where I sit and reflect
